Crossover Fanfiction:
A Trip to the Shrink
By MsCandyEmma
The following fanfic is supported by the makers of:
... you can be HAPPY TOO! ^__^
(Disclaimer: Dr. Tracy is a character created by David. E. Kelley for the comedy TV series, "Ally McBeal"
Candy meets with the crazy, sarcastic psychiatrist Dr. Tracy (played by the British comedian actress Tracey Ullman) after her break up with Terry. Hmmm... what happens when wacky meets Candy? My warped mind wanted to know... heheheheh...
DOOR to psychiatrist office opens.
Dr. Tracy: (looks from behind desk at Candy from head to toe and shakes her head) You don’t need to tell me what your problem is, honey. I already know!
Candy: (blinks, looks confused) You can tell?
Dr. Tracy: Have a seat. It’s my job to be able to tell... that’s why I’m a psychiatrist. I know these things. And I know your type.
Candy: (sits down tentatively and wonders if she came to the right place) My type?
Dr. Tracy: (leans back against her chair and studies Candy behind her black-rimmed glasses as if she were a microbe under a high powered electron microscope) Yes... your type... the Miss goody-two shoes, let me be the one to suffer instead, my life is not as important as yours... type!
Candy: (gasps out loud) I’m not like that!
Dr. Tracy: (nodding and smirking) And... full of denial too. Kid... you got some major problems we have to work out and it’s going to take at least 10 sessions... at LEAST!
Candy: (begins to stand up) Ten sessions! I can’t afford ten sessions!
Dr. Tracy: (points remote control at Candy and suddenly the chair moves forward, forcing Candy to fall back into a sitting position) My time is precious so we’ll start session one right now.
Candy: (feels dazed, wonders what just happened) But... but...
Dr. Tracy: Candy... (rolls her eyes upward and laughs) Is that really your name? CANDY? My God... How SWEET!
Candy: (frowns) I happen to like my name!
Dr. Tracy: (nods, expecting that comment) Yeah... and I suppose you love your freckles too, am I right?
Candy: (blinks and blushes) Of... of course!
Dr. Tracy: (sighs and leans back in her chair again and shrugs) I knew it. It’s a good thing to like something about your self. You’re not hopeless after all.
Candy: (feeling irritated) Hopeless? Why do you think I’m hopeless?
Dr. Tracy: (leans forward) Don’t you think you’re hopeless, Candy?
Candy: (shakes her head) Of course not!
Dr. Tracy: (snorts in disbelief) Oh really? Then why are you here?
Candy: (fidgets with her dress) I’m here because... because... (long pause)
Dr. Tracy: (taps her fingers on her desktop impatiently) Because... because... time is ticking!
Candy: (blurts out) I haven’t been able to stop thinking of HIM. (tears start to fall and she looks away, embarrassed)
Dr. Tracy: (appears bored) Him... him... does he have a name? No don’t need to tell me. Let me guess... TOM... DICK... or HARRY...
Candy: (cries out) It’s Terry! His name is Terry! (chokes back a sob)
Dr. Tracy: (hands a tissue to Candy) Aha... Terry... I was just getting to that. (leans forward slightly to make her point) Hmmm... Let me guess. You’re not over Terry, are you?
Candy: (shakes her head) I’m trying to get over him. We broke up.
Dr. Tracy: Well that’s obvious. Care to tell me why? (looks at her watch, appears bored again)
Candy: (bites her lower lip) She... she loved him and there was no way we could be together...
Dr. Tracy: (attempts to stifle a yawn then stands up suddenly) Yada yada yada. You don’t need to explain further. I think I’ve heard this story before...
Candy: (looks up, puzzled) What?
Dr. Tracy: (walks to the front of her desk and sits on it) This is what happened and you don’t need to correct me if I’m wrong because I’m never wrong. You and this... Terry fellow... you were probably high school friends who later became more than friends... And he probably wanted it to be more, but your virginal attitude got in the way... am I right? No, don’t answer that because I know I am. So this Terry guy... for some reason known only to him, feels obligated to this other woman even though in his heart, he would really rather be with you. BUT... because of your self-sacrificing, annoyingly altruistic values, you decided that it would be best for all concerned that the two of you break up, am I right? No... don’t answer that either because I know I’m right. But putting all THAT aside, let me tell you what the real problem is here, honey.
Candy: (gives her a blank expression)
Dr. Tracy: I can see that you’re clueless so I’m going to spell it out for you. Besides, we’ve already used up 15 minutes and my next client is really handsome.
Candy: What’s wrong with me, doctor?
Dr. Tracy: You need to get laid.
Candy: (gives her another blank expression)) Laid? Why? Where should I lie down?
Dr. Tracy: (groans in exasperation) I forgot... I’m using 20th century lingo. Laid... as in... bedded... as in... meet a man who will screw your brains out.
Candy: (shocked) How dare you suggest such a thing? I’m not that type...
Dr. Tracy: Exactly! That’s my point! You’re NOT that type... Candy. (laughs to herself) I still can’t believe your name is Candy!
Candy: (confused) I don’t understand, Dr. Tracy.
Dr. Tracy: Of course you don’t. You are little Miss Naïve with the virginal mind and body. Your problem Candy is that you refuse to allow yourself to feel pleasure... and be pleasured.
Candy: (blushing) I... I’m not interested in that sort...
Dr. Tracy: Of course you are! You’re just lying to yourself! Has Terry ever kissed you? Never mind... don’t answer that. I’m sure he did. And when he did... what did you do?
Candy: (looks away, embarrassed) I don’t want to talk about it
Dr. Tracy: Never mind... I already know. You slapped him, right? Don’t answer that. I know you did.
Candy: (looks up, surprised) How did you know?
Dr. Tracy: (gives her a "why are you surprised" look) Come on!! Your behavior is a classic textbook, or should I say "manga" version of what most young American girls written by Japanese authors say and do.
Candy: Nani? (means "what" in Japanese)
Dr. Tracy: See? You’re speaking Japanese already and why am I not surprised... especially considering you’ve got blonde hair and green eyes and you were raised... where... Michigan?
Candy: (sighs and feels confused) What should I do, Dr. Tracy?
Dr. Tracy: (stands up and walks to the door) Time’s up. That’s Session number 2.
Candy: (stands up, feeling somewhat better, but not really) Thank you, Dr. Tracy.
Dr. Tracy: (smiles widely) Of course! (opens door for Candy to exit and her next client is standing there, ready to knock) Well hello, handsome! I’m glad you could make our second session!
Candy: (shocked, frozen in place) Terry!
Terry: (shocked, frozen in place) Candy!
Dr. Tracy: (looks at Terry and Candy then shakes her head in disbelief) I thought the story sounded familiar.