A Trip to Dr. Pops
Mr.Pops & CandySecretary
Do you remember the last session with Dr. Tracy Clark? After her last meeting with Terry, she got burned out from working as a CC Counselor for Candyfans and left her office without a word! What will happen to all her CC clients now that she skipped town?
The CC Psychologist Association was informed of this fact and they tried desperately to find a solution. The Association decided to ask a renowned Canadian sexual counselor if he wanted to have the job and only one man's name came to mind to resolve this dilemma. He was a French Canadian who lived in Montreal...
Surprisingly (and to the great relief of the CC Psych Assoc.), he agreed to leave his home, family and his "good" job to move into Candyworld. Rumors say that he worked for a night club at noon and was a trashman during the day... but he never confirmed this fact. He only claimed that he was a graduate from a prestigious university. So now we have a fresh, new CandyCandy Sexual Counselor in Dr. Tracy's old office!
Introducing... Dr. Pops, the "best and only" CC Sexual Counselor in Candy County (or so he thinks! ^_~)!
Illustrated by Candilena
Two weeks later (after Dr. Tracy's mysterious departure)...
Dr. Pops has moved into his new CC office with his new CandySecretary, a goofy nurse from Hawaii. Dr. Pops is reading some charts in his office while his CandySecretary is busy playing with her computer (that has a built-in DVD player) and jotting down future appointments for all sexually neurotic Candyfans.
THUD! THUD! THUD! <-- sound of crutches on hardwood floor
CandySecretary: (looks up from desk and groans) Miss Susie-one-leg, you're a DAY EARLY for your appointment.
S-1-leg: (demanding tone) My name is SUSANNAH MARLOWE!! And I don't care if I'm a day early! I need to see Dr. Pops RIGHT NOW! My situation is growing DESPERATE! (fake crocodile tears)
CandySecretary: (not falling for her fake tears) Sheesh! What do you think this is? A PSYCHIATRIC EMERGENCY ROOM!?
S-1-leg: (threatening) If you won't let me see him, I'll... I'll...
CandySecretary: YOU'LL FALL OFF THE ROOF OF THE CC BUILDING??!! (looking hopeful)
S-1-leg: (pouts uncertainly) Well, something like that...
CandySecretary: GREAT!! I can help you get there if you want! Just follow me... (rising from desk)
S-1-leg: (growls) GRRRRRR!!! You only want to get rid of me, don't you?!!
CandySecretary: (looking innocent) Now what makes you think that? Kekeke...
Dr.Pops: (peeks head through his office door) Is this my first client?
S-1-leg: OH!! DR. POPS!! I REALLY NEED TO SPEAK WITH YOU!!
CandySecretary: She's a DAY EARLY, boss! Your first client is Candy and she'll be here in the next five minutes.
S-1-leg: (limping towards Dr. Pops) OH PLEASE TAKE ME NOW!! MY PROBLEM IS FAR MORE URGENT THAN CANDY'S! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!
Dr.Pops: (glances critically at her) Hmmm... it is difficult to ignore a TRUE psychiatric emergency and looking at you now, you meet the criteria.
S-1-leg: So you will see me now, Dr. Pops? (pleading look) OH PLEASE SAY YOU WILL!
Dr.Pops: Mais oui! Please step into my office!
While Susie-one-leg limps into his office, Dr. Pops gives a secret NOD to his secretary.
CandySecretary: (winks) Gotcha boss! (reaches into her drawer and pulls out a syringe filled with valium) Hehehehe... This is my FAVORITE part of the job!
Illustrated by Candilena
S-1-leg: (rolling near the desk) Oh! Dr. Pops! I'm so glad to meet you! I heard you were the best in the town...
Dr. Pops: (walking to his desk, gives her modest look) Yes, I know! Thanks for that, but I don't have much time to spend. So, this visit must be short and productive... (sitting in his chair) I have another appointment in a few minutes.
S-1-leg: Thank you very much for meeting me! (more tears) Only you can understand me! I really need your help! I... I... (starts to cry as if she is about to win an acting award)
Dr. Pops: (takes her hand) Please, Susie! Please... tell me what's your problem. (looking into her eyes) I think we can have a good relationship... just relax and tell me...
S-1-leg: (pleading look) Really?
Dr. Pops: Trust me! I'm the BEST - and ONLY - CC sexual counselor in the Candy County... (gives her hand a little squeeze)
S-1-leg: (tries to fake a smile with tearful eyes) Oh thank you!
Dr. Pops: (with a seductive voice) You know, you look much prettier when you smile! (thinking: Hehehe! I can do better than this Mountain Prince / Le prince des collines peut aller s'habiller...)
Meanwhile, the CandySecretary approaches Susie-one-leg with her syringe and winks to Dr. Pops...
CandySecretary: (leans over Susie-1-leg with a syringe) This won't hurt a bit, Susie!
S-1-leg: (horrified look) WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO TO ME?!!
Dr. Pops: (patting her hand gently) Calm down, Susie. This is just a mild tranquilizer to help you relax. (winks at CandySecretary)
CandySecretary: (nods reassuringly) In psychiatric EMERGENCIES such as yours, we always follow PROTOCOL and our protocol states that you need this injection! (grabs Susie's arm and prepares to give the shot)
S-1-leg: (clutching Dr. Pops's hands fearfully) ARE YOU SURE THIS IS REALLY NECESSARY, DR. POPS??!! I HAVE NEVER TAKEN A TRANQUILIZER BEFORE!!
Dr.Pops: (nods firmly) Very necessary. If you are in a hysterical emotional state, it is nearly impossible for me to help you unless you receive this drug.
CandySecretary: (nods in agreement) And if you refuse, the alternative therapy is to SLAP YOU SILLY! And that can get really messy. (shakes head, grimacing)
S-1-leg: (fidgeting in seat, tears falling) WELL... if you really think I need it...
Dr.Pops/CandySecretary: YES, YOU DO!!!!
S-1-leg: (squeezes eyes shut and exposes her arm for the shot) ALRIGHT THEN! MAKE IT QUICK! I CAN'T STAND PAIN!
CandySecretary: (relishing the moment) Don't worry! I give PAINLESS SHOTS! Hehehe... (stabs 4 inch needle into arm and injects medication slowly)
S-1-leg: (painful scream) AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Dr.Pops: (holding Susie's hands tightly) Just another minute... it will be over very soon now!
CandySecretary: (withdraws needle and smiles in satisfaction) Hehehe... I love this job!
S-1-leg: (becoming drowsy) Y... y... ouuu sssaaid it wwwoouldn't hhhhhuurrt... (collapses on the sofa)
CandySecretary: (smirks) Well, you won't remember that it hurt. So it's the same thing!
Dr.Pops: (checks her pulse) Hmmm... rather slow. Breathing getting shallow. How much did you give her?
CandySecretary: The whole thing!
Dr.Pops: (jaw drops) The WHOLE THING?
CandySecretary: (nods then checks syringe for dose) OOPSY POOPSY!! I think I overdosed her! My bad! (pretends to look guilty)
Dr.Pops: (panicking) Quick!! We must hide the body!!
DRRRING! Sound of doorbell on office door.
Dr. Pops: My God! Someone's at the door! Get back to your desk! I'll put her body somewhere...
While Dr. Pops is hiding Susie-one-leg in the closet, CandySecretary slowly opens the office door.
CandySecretary: Hi, Candy! You're just in time for your appointment.
Candy: (surprised) Hi! You're the new secretary? I must meet Dr. Tracy right now.
CandySecretary: (running back to her desk) Just a minute please... (Using intercom) Doctor? Your next appointment is here.
Dr. Pops: (from the intercom) It's OK! Send the next patient in!
CandySecretary: (smirks at Candy) Go right on in! By the way, Dr. Tracy isn't available! You're meeting with Dr. Pops instead! (winks)
Candy: (surprised) Dr. Pops? (peeks head inside room timidly) Excuse me?
Dr. Pops: (looks up from behind his desk) Oui? Can I help you?
Candy: (strolls into room curiously and notices piles of boxes full of books and things) Where is Dr.Tracy? We had an appointment this morning!
Dr. Pops: Are you Candy White Ardlay?
Candy: (nods) Yes, how did you know?
Dr. Pops: (brings out a large file from the drawer and starts reading the first page) ...Miss Goody Two Shoes with the virginal mind and body...
Candy: (glares) She wrote that about me? Grrrrr... Where is she?!
Dr. Pops: She left town suddenly and left your chart behind along with... (peeks into huge file cabinet) ...all the charts of all Candyfans marked: "Nutso: Send for Destruction." (chuckles)
Candy: (makes fists at her side, frowning) I can't believe she left me without telling me! (crosses arms) Why did she leave?
Dr. Pops: (grabs a letter on his desk) Here's her answer. It's a resignation letter from Dr. Tracy (starts to read):
I don't regret informing you that I'm leaving town for a long vacation and will never return. God knows, I've tried my best to help you all with your head trips and neurotic sexual disorders, but... and here's a BIG BUT... a human being can only work so many miracles. Trust me, you don't need a shrink. You need an act from God! I'm not a sympathetic person, but I'll leave you one professional advice for old times sake: GET LAID! I know I am!
Dr. Tracy Clark"
Candy: So she's gone! Now what am I going to do?
Dr. Pops: It looks like you need a new shrink.
Candy: (sighs) But I don't know anyone else to... to help me... (tears welling in eyes)
Dr. Pops: Well, if you need sexual counseling, I do have a double doctorate in the area. (hands her a brochure with his credentials)
Candy: You mean you're a sex therapist like, Dr. Tracy?
Dr. Pops: At your service... for a nominal fee of course.
Candy: Great! Can we start now?
Dr. Pops: (brings out yellow pad and pen, leans back on leather chair) Have a seat. It's your 'first time' with me, so I'd like to take things slow and easy... (winks)
Suddenly, a loud female groan is overheard... OOOOOHH!
Candy: (looking afraid) What's that noise?
Dr. Pops: (looking embarrassed) It's nothing! (pushes a button on the intercom) I forgot to turn off the intercom... my new secretary likes to watch candyporn on the DVD player at work. (clears throat and gives serious look at Candy) Now, let's start your session... You know, I'm so glad to meet you. You're my first CC client since I moved into my new CC office. And you're lucky, because I'm the BEST - and ONLY - CC Sexual Counselor.
Candy: So you can easily help me? Dr. Tracy was good, but she was so...
Dr. Pops: (smiling) ...a bit silly, wasn't she? This poor woman got burned out and chose to leave. Before that she gave me your file and I read it. (grabs her file and opens it) Hehehe! I have a solution about your problem...
Candy: (curious) Really?
Dr. Pops: Yes! ... But one thing really puzzles me... (gives another serious look into her eyes) WHY did you REALLY break up?
Candy: (shifts uncomfortably) It... I... it's... (tears begin to fall)
Dr. Pops: ... it was because of this Susanna who loved him and you only wanted happiness for him and her, isn't it?
Candy: (places her hands on her face) ...
Dr. Pops: But you still love him...
Candy: (crying) YES... yes! I... I still love him... and now...
Dr. Pops: (smiling with satisfaction) HOLE IN ONE! I know what's troubling you! YES! I'm the best! (starts to dance while sitting in his chair) BONSOIR, ELLE EST PARTIE! Candy, YOU love him and he LOVES you still! You should still be together, but because of this other girl...
Candy: (continues to cry) ...Dr. Pops...
Dr. Pops: (authoritative tone) DON'T SAY ANYTHING! I'm right! (stands up and walks to her) I'm definitively right! I can see it in your tearful eyes!
Candy: (stands up and takes Dr. Pops' hands) So, what can I do? (pleading look) Please, help me! I'm lost... (more tears)
Dr. Pops: Trust me! (gives her a hug) Please don't cry! Just follow me and I shall arrange everything!
BOOM!!! Sudden loud noise comes from inside the room
Candy: (fearful look) What was that?
Dr. Pops: (serious face) My fat neighbor is about to start his aerobic session. (grabs a remote control and presses a button which starts to play a very loud dance music) I think that your session is over! (grabs a book) I know that Dr. Tracy would want you to read this, right?
Candy: (shocked) This stupid book? How can it help me?
Dr. Pops: (raises the book in the air) This book, the authentic Kama Sutra! The book of love! You haven't read this?! If you really want to love a man, you should take a look at this. So, please, read it! No need to read the entire book... Just learn a few pages...
Candy: (grabbing the book) If you think that I really need this...
Illustrated by Candilena
Dr. Pops: (nods in agreement) YOU NEED THIS! (holding her hand) Now go back to your home and take a break! Meet with me in a few days...
Candy: (nods) Thank you very much!
Dr. Pops: (smiling with satisfaction) You're welcome! Don't forget to see my Candysecretary for an other appointment... and for your bill!
Candy smiles and exits the office.
Dr. Pops takes a deep breath and walks to the closet. He opens the door and pulls out Susannah's body.
S-1-Leg: Oooooooh! (moaning, still very drowsy)
Dr. Pops: (smiling) Dear Susie! You're very unlucky! (laughing) But... to kill you is too easy... NO! I think that I can solve this problem in another way... And you could help me...
DOCTOR POPS'® Natural Medicine... "Glucosamine sulfure in a drink cryogenictube! Hey, old guy! We don't want to con you! But before you leave the Earth, bring your cash at my CC drugstore..."
Always ask for DOCTOR POPS'® Products...
To be continued...