Chapter 16
SCOTTISH BORDERS - JULY 18TH 1994

Terry woke up with a start and looked at the radio clock on his bedside table: 1 p.m.

“Damn it!” He thought, promptly getting up, running to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

Today was the first day of summer school for the Saint-Paul students. They had arrived the previous evening and Candy had given him a call. They had agreed he would come to pick her up after her classes, at 2p.m.

He had been quite busy during those three weeks alone here, between obsessively working on a new song at the piano, and the gruesome task –assigned by Vivian who wanted not a single reminder of Mia to remain- of clearing off what had been Mia’s bedroom. Mercifully, since she had never stayed for any extensive amount of time, there had not been too much stuff. A few clothing items left behind, some toiletries and that was about it.

What had been much harder to deal with had been the note she had left inside one of his dresser drawer, among old magazines and CDs (Mia had the habit to leave behind hand-written notes in the craziest places, for the owner to find after her departure).

Hello handsome Bro!!!!! I love you!!!!! I enjoyed this week in Scotland! When you’ll read this, know I’ll be missing you and our walks by the loch. Kisses. Mia

She must have written it the previous summer… Eleanor had been shooting a movie in the highlands and the twins had spent an entire week alone at the Grandchester’s manor. It had been a quiet and happy week, what Terry in retrospect considered one of his fondest memories with his sister. They had swam, gone on hikes, rode horses, played music and Mia had drawn a portrait of him that was now leaning against his wall…. He had meant to hang it but had not gotten around doing so yet.

He had also read the Romeo and Juliet screenplay Jeff had sent him as promised. Terry had immediately fallen in love with the script, a modernization of Shakespeare’s play, designed to appeal to the MTV audience, but still using the original dialogue, though somewhat edited down. Swords had been replaced by guns. The Montagues and the Capulets were of course the same bitter enemies, in the form of two warring business empires.

Terry was drawn to the angst-filled scenes. Romeo was in shambles emotionally most of the time and he found it to be something he really wanted to play and knew he could be good at it. He had always thought of the character of Romeo as a boring, fluffy, romantic type but this modern version had made him realize how wrong he had been: Romeo had more depth than the usual romantic character. He was a guy who risked his entire life, his family, absolutely everything that mattered to him, to marry the girl he loved. It was the ultimate love story, a pure masterpiece really, a depiction of a love so strong nothing could prevent the two young lovers from being together. And the fact that they were basically his own age was also attractive.

Jeff had scribbled a note:

Quick tip: this is not going to be like theater. Baz Luhrmann –the director who also co-wrote the screenplay- wants the dialogue to be conversational, with no affectation whatsoever. I know you can do it. They have already cast Claire Danes as Juliet. I spoke with her and she’s enthusiastic about you. She has fond memories of you from the time she was working with Eleanor and said she’d love to work with you. Baz is willing to give you a try, given Claire’s enthusiasm, even though his first choice is Leo Di Caprio. So no need to think you’ll get the part because of me. I have no pull whatsoever. You’ll have to earn the role son.

Also, they are rounding up amazing artists for the soundtrack. Mostly alternative stuff. One of Mia’s songs made the cut: her Lovefool song, the one with the very poppy beat she was not too fond of. Are you cool with it being used? If not, let me know and I’ll put a stop to it. She recorded it back in October at my place. At her request I had sent a demo tape to various people and had forgotten about it with all the shit we went through. It somehow ended in Baz’s hands. I’m enclosing a CD of it.

Take care Terry. Don’t hesitate to call me for anything.

Love you.

Jeff


Terry has listened to the CD countless times already. He had had a panic attack the first time he had heard Mia’s voice coming out from the speakers, echoing throughout the old manor. Pleading to be loved. He had balled up in a corner and cried, his head buried in his knees. He had doubted at first he could bear to hear it ever again and considered calling Jeff but he caved in and after listening to it over and over, it became like an old friend and instead of crying like a girl, he found comfort in listening to Mia’s familiar voice. She was gone but there was something left of her, something concrete.

So that was what he had been busy with since his arrival, going to bed around 3am every night and sleeping in.

He got out of the shower, put on a t-shirt and some jeans, walked down the stairs to the kitchen where Irene was busy preparing lunch.

“Good morning Irene!”

“Good afternoon Terry.” The middle-aged woman smiled gently at him. “Lunch is almost ready.”

“I have to run. A friend of mine is in summer school. I’ll eat on my way there.” He grabbed one of the cucumber sandwiches and walked out to the courtyard. He was on his way to the garage to get his motorcycle when he noticed a figure standing by the gate.

He stopped in his tracks. The person had seen him and was calling out to him in a voice he knew too well:

“Terry! Please! I just want to talk for a few minutes. Please.” His mother, holding on to the wrought iron gate, cried out in a desperate voice.

Reluctantly, Terry slowly made his way down the driveway. As he got closer, he realized how bad of a shape she was in but strangely did not find any comfort in knowing she was suffering. She had lost a lot of weight and looked very bony. Her skin was pale and sallow. Her long blond hair usually perfectly styled was all ratty looking, hanging around her face, her complexion was gray. She was wearing an old Rolling Stones T-shirt and white jeans. She wore her usual oversized sunglasses that she removed when Terry got closer to him. Her blue eyes seemed empty. She gave him a weak smile.

“Thank you.” She said, extending her hands through the wrought-iron gate to touch him but he made sure to stay away from her grip.

“Aren’t you going to let me in?” She asked, tears filling her eyes.

“No. What do you want?” He said coldly.

“Terry… Please… Let me hold you…” She pleaded, her voice breaking into heavy sobs. She looked nothing like the classy beauty she used to be. She was pathetic. Terry opened the gate and she ran into his arms, holding him tight. After an awkward moment, Terry closed his arms around her. They remained locked in a strange embrace, neither of them talking.

“What do you want?” Terry finally asked, pushing her away.

“I want my son. I want us to spend the summer together as we always did.”

“What do you mean, like we always did? You were always busy and barely spent more than 3 hours with me! As a matter of fact, if I were to add up the time spent with you since I was born, it would probably add up to 2 years at the most!”

“Terry… Please… There is no point talking about the past. Nothing can be done about it. We need to concentrate on the future… I want you to be a part of it. I need you. I lost my daughter and I could not stand losing my son.” Tears sprung to her eyes.

“Don’t you dare calling her daughter. You’re not fit to. You never acted like a mother to her. Or to me. “ Terry became enraged. He was walking back and forth, kicking the gravel around, gesturing while talking louder and louder. “You kept holding her down. You kept bringing shit in her life. And when you brought something good like Jeff, you had to fuck it up. And you ultimately killed her by letting your junkie boyfriend leave his dope laying around.”

“Shut up!” Eleanor was screaming hysterically, covering her ears with her trembling hands.

“No, I won’t shut up! The truth hurt, doesn’t it? “ Terry scorned. “The fact is that if you had still been with Jeff, there would not have been heroine in the house and Mia would still be here. She is fucking dead and it is all because of you.“

Eleanor’s hand hit his cheek with a force he did not expect. It immediately began throbbing.

“Don’t you dare talk to me like this! I’m your mother!”

“I don’t have a mother! Get out of here.” He grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her out. She fell head first on the ground. She rolled on to her back, covered her face with her hands and let out a loud howl. Terry locked the gate and walked away toward the house, ignoring her screams.

*************

He walked toward the lake, cursing his luck: the episode with his mother had delayed him enough for Candy to be gone when he had arrived at the school. So he had decided to grab a battered copy of Romeo and Juliet to reacquaint himself with the original story and read by the water, which was one of his favorite activity.

Much to his surprise, he found Candy sitting there, on what he had always thought of as HIS spot, busy talking to herself.

“Nobody seems to be as troubled as Terry… He has so many problems…. I wonder where he is… Terry… Terrence G. Grandchester….”

“How sweet! Even when you’re alone, you’re thinking of me. You must have missed me a lot. Isn’t that so, my little funny nosed girl? ” He teased her, kneeling down next to her, enjoying the embarrassing look on her face from having been caught daydreaming aloud about him.

“Terry… You… “ She looked at him, smiling nervously. “Listen Terry…”

“What is it Freckles?” He asked, affectionately touching the tip of her nose with his pointer finger.

“Don’t go on thinking I’m obsessed about you… Maybe I was summoning some dark magic to put a spell on you and make you come here…”

“I see… You think you need magic to charm me? Aren’t you confident enough in your freckles and funny nose?” He teased, taking a strand of her hair between his fingers.

Her amused expression gave way to an upset one.

“Terry! I can’t believe it! We’ve not seen each other for a month, you stood me up and now all you can think of is make fun of me!” She shouted, jumping on him in a weak attempt to strangle him.

“Ok, Ok, I’m sorry. I surrender.” He said, holding her off by her shoulders and grabbing her hand. “Come on. Let’s sit down. I’m really sorry I missed you in school. I was running late. I may not look like it but I was really impatient to see you.”

“Really?” She looked at him doubtfully.

“Really. I missed you.” He smiled.

“Fine.” She blushed. “Then I forgive you for your mean comments.”

“You are always so prompt to pick up a fight, aren’t you? I like that a lot about you.” He said, looking at her. He wanted to kiss her and was about to lean over when she abruptly bent down to reach out for the book he had dropped.

“Is this your book?” She gave him a quizzical look.

“ Yes.” He said.

“Shakespeare… Romeo and Juliet… I did not know you liked theater.”

“There is a lot you don’t know about me Candy. I love acting. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve always enjoyed pretending I’m someone else… In real life, our choices are limited whereas with acting, there is no limit. We can be a prince one day, a pauper the next.”

“Or a devil and an angel…” She said knowingly.

“A devil who loves freckled girls.” He answered, finally taking her into his arms and kissing her vigorously. He had missed her immensely and feeling her against him felt good. No, it felt more than good. It felt like coming back home after a long journey. She must have felt the same way for she was responding to his kiss with fervor, running her fingers through his hair. He was biting her lips softly, his tongue teasing hers, his hands running feverishly all over her body.

“Candy…. I’ve missed you…” He murmured inside her neck, his warm breath caressing her soft, white as porcelain, skin.

She placed a kiss on top of his head.

“It’s good to be here in your arms. It feels right.” She admitted in a voice heavy with excitement.

Terry was now trailing his tongue along her collarbone, feeling her shivering in his arms when a loud yell was heard:

“ELISA!!!!”

They broke their embrace and stood up. There was a small boat turned over. Clinging on to it for dear life was Neil Reagan. His sister was a few feet away, screaming. Neil seemed paralyzed and was not making any attempt to help his sister.

“Help! Some one help me!” Came the hysterical scream from Elisa.

There was another boat nearby but its three passengers seemed to purposefully ignore the tragedy that was unfolding.

Without even thinking twice, Terry kicked his shoes off, threw off his shirt and pants before jumping in the water in his black boxers, the adrenaline rush rending him oblivious to the bitter cold water that killed his budding erection. As he got closer to the scene, he saw that the other boat had reached Neil and that its passengers who were none other than the Dandy, his brother and Patricia O’Brien were helping him up.

Terry quickly reached Elisa who immediately grabbed on to him, her nails digging into his chest.

“Oh Terrence. Thank you. “

“Let go of me. You’re going to drown us both. Stop moving, would you. I’m going to bring you ashore.”

She mercifully let go of him and he was able to get a good hold of her and slowly made his way back to the shore where Candy was waiting for them. She had been joined by a sheepish looking Neil, flanked by Patricia, Archibald and Stear.

Terry helped Elisa out and the two of them reached the rest of the group who was looking puzzled.

“I can’t believe that between the three of you, no one tried to help the poor girl.” Terry said scornfully.

Archibald became furious and spat out:

“For your information, I’m a very good swimmer, we all are. Including Elisa.”

It was Terry’s turn to be puzzled. Elisa nestled herself into his arms, pressing herself against his bare chest.

“You know how to swim?” He asked, feeling like he had been played.

“Of course not! I was about to drown!” She said. “And you guys are useless, what would you have done if Terry had not jump in to save
me?” She screamed at them. “And can someone pass me a towel!” Patricia threw her one. Elisa caught it without a word of thanks. Instead, she returned her attention to Terry. “Thank you Terrence, you saved me life. I owe you big time.” she said, smiling seductively while running a hand up and down his chest, prompting him to hastily put his shirt back on.

“Terrence… You’re all wet. Why don’t you come to my place. You could use our dryer for your clothes.”

“She’s right Terry. You’re going to catch a cold.” Candy said softly, making her way toward Terry with a blanket but she was blocked by Elisa who gave her a threatening look.

“It’s nice of you but I’d rather go home. It’s closer than your place anyway.” He said, buttoning his pants and proceeding to walk away.

“Wait! I’m coming with you.” Said Elisa.

“There is no need. I do not have the help required to take care of you and your clothes.”

“Elisa, let’s get you home.” Said Neil, who looked uncomfortable.

“Bye Candy. I’ll call you.” Terry added, before running off.

Damn that stupid Elisa. First his mother and now that idiot… What a day! The encounter with Candy had almost succeeded in making it better. He was kicking himself for having fallen for Elisa’s fake drowning but he had let his instinct take over.

He reached the gate and realized the bad day was not over just yet. His mother was still there, leaning against the wall, smoking a cigarette.

“What are you doing here? “

“Terry… Please…” She started.

“Why is it so hard for you to understand that I do not want to see you ever again!”

“Terry… I…”

“Shut up! Just shut the fuck up! You’re no one for me. I don’t have a mother. Go away.”

“Terry, listen. I did not have a choice. I could not let that crazy mistake destroy everything I’d worked so hard to build.”

“So that’s how you refer to your own daughter? A crazy mistake… You bitch! You do not even have the guts to face what happened and accept responsibility for it. SHE IS DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! Do you understand? You denying it does not make it any less true! And you should act like a normal person and tell Dad and Jeff about it. I’m not asking you to tell the world. Just tell them, so that they know who you really are.”

“I know Terry… I’m sorry… Do you think it is easy for me to live knowing what I did? Do you think you’re the only one who misses her? She was my daughter, she lived with me all this time. But it is not fair to make me guilty of it all. She had her fair share of blame.”

“Shut up!”

“Terry… Mia was disturbed… I loved her but she had so many issues…”

“YOU were her main issue!”

“It’s not true. Drugs were her main issue. Her inability to face any problem that would arise. Her obsession with Kurt…”

“Oh yeah, let’s talk about Kurt! You’re the one who brought him into the house, did you not? You’re the one who left him alone with Mia, are you not? Don’t tell me it came as a surprise they eventually hooked up! I saw that coming from miles away! You cannot be that stupid!”

“Terry… I never forced her to fuck him! It was HER choice, certainly not mine. How do you think I felt when I saw them! In my own house!”

“You felt jealous that he was banging her when he had stopped banging you! That’s how you felt. I’ve heard enough. Go away.” He said, opening the gate.

Eleanor reached for his shoulder and gave it a small squeeze.

“Terry…”

“Shut up!” He turned around and pushed her away from him. “I’ve had enough! Go back to where you came from!”

“ENOUGH!” A high-pitch scream interrupted. Terry turned around and there stood Candy, holding his copy of Romeo & Juliet clutched into her hands. “Stop it Terry! Stop lying to yourself!”

“Candy…”

“The truth is that you love your mother. You adore her. I know how you feel Terry... This is why you’re acting this way, saying all these things you do not really think…”

“You don’t know squad Candy! Stay out of this.”

“If I had a Mom I’d be happy she comes to visit me!”

“Then you can have her!”

“Terry… please… Make up with her…” She urged.

“Stay out of this Candy. It does not concern you.”

“He’s right young lady. But I do appreciate your words.” Said Eleanor. “I’m leaving. Bye Terry. If you change your mind, you know where to find me.” She said sadly, walking away toward her car.

Candy and Terry stood in silence, watching the actress get in her car and slowly drive away.

“I’m sorry Terry… I came to bring back your book… I did not mean to interfere…”

“It’s Ok. Thank you.” He took the book.

“I have to go. Bye Terry. I’ll see you around.”

“Wait! Wanna come have some tea?”

“No, thanks. I better go. I’m expected back at 6pm…. Take care Terry… And please think about your Mom… We only have one Mom… Don’t shut her off your life. You may regret it.” With that, she ran away.

Terry watched her disappear into the woods surrounding his property. He walked into the house, entered the smoking room, lit up a cigarette and poured himself a glass of whiskey. His hands were shaking badly. He was boiling with anger. Anger not at his Mom but at his life. What had he ever done to deserve this? Why couldn’t he have normal parents? Or no parents at all, like Candy who seemed so much better adjusted than he was… Her words were echoing in his head: “We only have one Mom… Don’t shut her off your life…”

The fact that he was once again feeling sorry for himself and putting the blame for his behavior on his parents infuriated him. It was like his months of therapy had been all for nothing. He threw his glass against the stone fireplace, where it crashed into pieces. He then grabbed every single alcohol bottle in the bar and threw them as well.

When there was no bottle left, he went to the laundry room, grabbed a bucket, a mop and made his way toward the fireplace where he proceeded to clean up the mess he had created, oblivious to the small pieces of glass piercing his skin. The room was reeking of alcohol. He kept ruffling his hair with a bloody and smelly hand, using his shirt as a napkin.

Once he was done, he went into his bedroom and stared blankly at his reflection.

“Terrence Grandchester you’re a pathetic loser,” he said to his reflection. His hair was matted with a mixture of blood and alcohol, his fingers were burning from the small glass pieces still stuck there. “What are you doing? Get a grip.“ He bit his lips hard and tasted his own blood. “I can’t…” He curled up on his bed, holding his knees up against his chest and exploded into bitter tears.

Chapter 17