Attention readers: Contains
"adult" themes and situations
I would die for you
I would die for you
I've been dying just to feel you by my side, to know that you're mine
I would cry for you
I would cry for you
I will wash away your pain with all my tears,
I'm drowning on fear
I will pray for you
I will pray for you,
I will sell my soul for something pure and true, someone like you
See your face every place that I walk in
Hear your voice every time that I'm talking
You will believe in me, and I will never be ignored
I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart, and tear it apart
I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see,
You're just like me
Violate all the love that I'm missing
Throw away all the pain that I'm living
You will believe in me, and I can never be ignored
I would die for you
I would kill for you
I will steal for you
I'd do time for you
I will wait for you
I'd make room for you
I'd sink ships for you,
Take the cross for you
Make me a part of you
Because I believe in you
I believe in you
I would die for you
© Garbage - Crush #1
The young woman was lying in bed,
still wearing her wedding dress, staring blankly at the ceiling. She had
postponed calling the maid to help her change, hoping her husband would be back
and do so himself but the clock on the bedside table indicated 3am and by the
look of things, she was going to spend her wedding night alone.
Susanna Grandchester, formerly Marlowe, sighed deeply. After her mother had begged him for what had felt like forever to pick a wedding date, and pressured him any chances she had for good measure, Terry had finally agreed to do so, under the express condition that it would be an intimate ceremony, at New York City Hall, with only the two of them and their witnesses, no journalists, no big lavish party. Susanna, all to the joy of finally marrying the man of her dreams, had readily agreed. She did not care about the ceremony, she only cared about marrying the man she had sacrificed herself for.
The wedding day finally came. Susanna was beaming with happiness. Her mother was her witness and Robert Hathaway was Terry’s. The ceremony was short and simple, as Terry had requested, and was followed by a small dinner at Robert’s place. Terry barely uttered a word during the whole evening and seemed lost in his thoughts. Susanna was so used to him just standing quietly by her side that she did not pay any particular attention to it.
When it came time for them to retire to the apartment Terry had purchased on Fifth Avenue, they took a cab. Susanna was highly anticipating her wedding night. She had fantasized about having intercourse with Terry for so long that she could barely contained her excitement and had a hard time stopping herself from jumping on him during the ride back home. Terry was finally hers! He would be by her side for the rest of her life, which was what she wanted more than anything else, ever since she first set her eyes on him. She had promptly terminated her liaison with Robert Hathaway that very day, much to his relief as he was getting tired of her but was reluctant to dump her for she was his top actress and he was afraid she would leave his troupe. Her mother on the other hand had been much displeased: Mrs. Marlowe had been the one to suggest her daughter to sleep with Robert Hathaway in order to secure herself a future in Broadway. Susanna, used to follow her mother’s advice, had obliged and it had indeed helped her jump-start her career. She was beautiful, but she knew her acting had nothing special and that several actresses were far more talented than she was. So by being Hathaway’s mistress, she made sure she remained the top choice. But upon meeting Terry, her career that had always come first was instantly forgotten. He was so handsome, she had not been able to take her eyes off him and had been delighted when he had landed a role in King Lear. The very idea of being on stage with him had made her ecstatic. Unfortunately, her happiness had been short lived for she had quickly realized that Terry did not notice her. But the accident happened… The accident in which she had lost her leg but that she nevertheless considered God sent since it had allowed her to become Mrs. Terrence Grandchester.
The cab was about a block from the apartment when Terry had abruptly asked the driver to stop. He told her coldly he had remembered some urgent business he had to take care of, got out of the cab and disappeared into the night. Susanna had been too stunned to say anything. Upon arriving in front of their building, the doorman helped her out of the cab.
“Welcome Mrs. Grandchester,” the doorman said. “Mr. Grandchester left instructions for me to take you to your apartment.”
Susanna did not understand. Terry had left instructions? So he must have known he was not going to make it back home with her. What was going on?
The doorman took Susanna’s wheelchair out of the cab’s trunk, installed Susanna in it and pushed her toward the elevator. They got silently in. They arrived at the fifth floor. Their apartment was located at the end of the corridor. The door was too small to accommodate Susanna’s wheelchair so the doorman carried her in his arms. Susanna felt warm tears rolling down her cheeks. She should have been entering the apartment into Terry’s arms, not the doorman’s!
A maid greeted her. She was in her mid fifties, short, medium built, gray hair, a kind smile illuminating her round face.
“Good evening Mrs. Grandchester. Welcome home. My name is Wendy and I’ll be attending to all your needs.”
Susanna swallowed her tears and gave her a small smile.
The doorman sat her on a chair in the living room while he went to bring her wheelchair in.
“Mr. Grandchester made sure the doors inside the apartment were wide enough to accommodate your wheelchair, that way it will be easy for you to move around. He obviously forgot about the entry way but I’m sure this can get fixed in no time,” Wendy said gently. The doorman came back with the wheelchair and helped Susanna settle in.
“Anything else I can do for you tonight Madam?”
“No, thank you.”
The doorman left. Wendy asked:
“Would you like a tour of the apartment?”
“No, thank you. I’d rather wait for Terry to show me around. I’m actually tired and would not mind resting in our bedroom”.
“Sure, let me show you to your bedroom,” Wendy said, pushing Susanna’s wheelchair. They entered a small room, where boxes with all her personal belongings had been brought into. It had a double bed, a dressing table, an armoire and nothing else. The walls were bare and the curtains were plain. Susanna was puzzled. It did not look like a conjugal bedroom at all, more like a guest bedroom.
“What is this?” She asked.
“It is your room Madam. Mr. Grandchester said you are free to decorate it any which way you like.”
“What do you mean my room?” She asked nervously, not liking what she was hearing.
Wendy looked embarrassed and did not answer immediately.
“Well… I… Mr. Grandchester… I thought you were aware…” she started awkwardly.
“I am obviously not aware of anything. So please do tell me.” Interrupted Susanna, deeply annoyed by the maid reluctance to explain herself clearly.
“Well… Mr. Grandchester occupies the master bedroom on the other side of the apartment. He said it would be easier for you to be in the guest room since it is close to my room, should you need assistance…”
“I won’t require your assistance at all times. I can very well manage alone. So please show me to the master bedroom. Now. And have my belongings taken there as well.”
“Listen Wendy, and listen well. I don’t know what my husband told you but I am the lady of the house. I call the shots. Anything pertaining to my person is my decision, not his. Is that clear?”
“Very well Madam.”
Wendy was about to push Susanna out but was stopped by Susanna’s irritated voice.
“I can do it myself. Which way?”
“Left, go straight ahead through the kitchen and turn right.”
Susanna maneuvered her wheelchair with difficulty but did not want to ask Wendy for help. When she finally arrived to the master bedroom, after bumping into various pieces of furniture and walls, she was sweaty and red with exhaustion.
The room was spacious, had a fireplace, art works on the walls, beautiful velvet curtains, a balcony with a view of Central Park, definitively the kind of room Susanna had pictured to be theirs.
“I’ll be right back with your belongings.”
“Thank you Wendy. For tonight, just bring the little brown suitcase, this is all I will need. And if you could also bring me some candles.”
“Of course Madam.” Wendy left. Susanna settled her chair by the window and started looking out for Terry’s silhouette.
Wendy came back with the suitcase and candles.
“Here you go Madam. Do you need help to change?”
“No, I’ll be fine. That will be it for tonight. Thank you.”
“Good night Madam.”
Susanna arranged the candles throughout the room and lit them up. She then went back to the window and stood there for a while, scanning the streets. After a while, she dozed off. She woke up with a start and decided to go lay down on the bed. She tried to take off her dress but could not get to the zipper. She thought about calling Wendy for help but decided against it. She would wait for Terry. It was their wedding night and he was bound to come back.
So she waited and waited. 3 am, and still no sign of Terry. She cried bitter tears and finally fell asleep.