New Candy Candy Script
Author’s notes: I really feel like killing someone tonight. Darn . Well I might just as well revive my ole fanfic from about five years and a half ago (2000). Some people might still remember it... it was awkwardly written with gooey quasi-shoujo stuff that kept some people frantically laughing while others boldly headed towards the exit. Good thing I never brought it up to an end, though, partially due to the lack of my interest and partially because the entire thing looked… well…"kinda" lame. The only amusing and original thing about it was that I chose "Neil-turned-good" as the main protagonist, while other characters were of little or no importance to the actual storyline. The storyline itself was a sticky mixture of "snow white" (gosh) and some gooey shoujo stuff that looked as if it crawled out of the cheasiest shoujo anime titles.
This time, I'm gonna kick out the shoujo stuff. It's simply too gooey and dull. Instead, you'll see lotsa ecchi-based humor, much like in original dragonball. Hope that at least some people will like it, cuz the good ole Neil will keep his role as a protagonist..... and that's about the only thing that'll remain the same. You can easily forget about anything you've seen in CC; NOTHING remains the same!
I gotta repair my keyboard. The "Y" key has grown unresponsive, I gotta type ALT-121 each time I want this character... whadda hassle.
CHAPTER 1: THE BACKSTAGE
Have you ever wondered what all those anime characters do when no one is watching that particular anime they're acting in? Well, they're spending their free time in an alternate universe called the "Alternate Unmounted CVF Volume Universe" . Well, I once caught Neil off duty as an anime character when he was relaxing in the AUCVFVU. Don't ask me how I got there. It's *waaaay* too complex for an ignorant peasant like you to understand . Anyway, one evening I spotted Neil who was coming back from only-God-knows-where, apparently kinda drunk.
"My, isn't that Nakamura-kun. It's been ages since I've last seen ya."
"It's amazing how time passes quickly. I haven't seen or heard of you since mid 2000. What are you doing these days, except bumming around?"
"Well, pretty much nothing. There wasn't much acting job for me to do from the time you abandoned your fanfic. You see there isn't much demand these days for anime actors from late 70's. Newer titles like Evangelion are captivating viewers' attention now, and very few people still care about 70's shoujo anime."
"Speaking of Evangelion, have you ever met Ayanami Rei? I think she must be busy all the time."
"Why do you ask about her?"
"I wanna *bleep* her."
"Uh-huh... There are about 1700 other anime actors who'd beat the living *bleep* out of ya if they heard ya saying this. Everyone wants to *bleep* her, it's already getting plain weird."
"So she really IS a popular girl ."
"Yup. So! Did you come here to drool about Rei or to talk about something useful ?"
"Hmmm (still thinking about Rei).... Well, anyway, see ya later!" ....
Two days later, I met Neil at the same spot.
"Hey there, what happened to you?"
"Well... Kyosuke from KOR (Kimagure Orange Road)... Ikari Gendo... and even Shinji..."
l "Told ya!!! "
"Shut up already! Kyosuke was the worst...and I thought he was supposed to be crazy about Ayukawa (Madoka)..."
"That's only his role in anime… to play that he's crazy about Madoka. We're all totally different people in the real world. Now you know the truth ."
"It seems that the truth is also written on my face .... twice (ouch )!"
Neil just smirked to appear smart. If he continues making fun of me, I'll do the same thing to him that Kyosuke did to me .
"Nakamura-kun, there must be another reason you came here, besides getting your charming eye patches."
"Well, that is right... I want you to play in another fanfiction of mine, in a sort of spinoff onto the original fanfic of mine."
"What makes you think I want to do that? I'm a professional actor! I once took part in your fanfiction and people are still making fun of me for doing that. I'm not overly eager to go through the same thing again you know ."
"Come on, that was just about the first thing I've ever written, so it was bound to contain a certain number of glitches…"
"A number... Riiiiiight. You implemented a whole series of story arcs. None of them was finished nor logically explained. The dialogue we had to use was plain laughable, not to mention the flaws. And since the story wasn't finished, we all ended up NOT getting paid for the job. What can you say about that ?"
"Look, I came here to propose a new acting job for you, but judging from the tone of your voice, I'm not totally convinced that you'll be willing to accept it."
"Hmmm ... Okay, what's it all about?"
"I just want to revive the ole fanfic. I've changed lotsa stuff, and you won't have to worry about playing utterly sticky dialogue.
"Hell I don't know where I went wrong in my life the day I met you ."
"Just listen to me. I know there isn't much job for you these days, and the remaining cast of CC is mostly free. And you're aware that your savings ain't gonna last forever! You gotta earn some money for a living."
"I suppose you're right. Look what happened to the poor Astro boy! He turned into an alcoholic and died of cancer last year. And Tetsuwan Atomu used to be a ground breaking series in the late 50's."
"See my point now?"
"Yeah... how much would I get paid for the job?"
"About 30000 zeni per chapter. I currently can't give you more."
"Do I look like a wealthy man ?"
"I suppose not..."
"Rest assured that I'll rise your wager if the fic turns out to be a FLIP ."
"And if it FLOPS ?"
"Then we'll have a beer together and talk about the good ole days ."
"If you say so. Can you tell me more about the script?"
"The script isn't completed yet… I've only done the outlining of the first chapter, while most of the other things will have to be improvised."
(thinking) " Kami-sama, have you heard this? He hasn't even completed his script! Where did I go wrong in my life?"
"I'll bring you the script tomorrow. And I expect you to gather the remaining cast of CC cuz I'll have to provide them with a script too."
"Script you say ?"
"Well, sort of."
Neil was silent for a moment before he related to me with a soft voice.
"Please don't let it FLOP!"
"I'll do my best."
"So, I'll be seeing you tomorrow… bye now."
The following morning, I came back to the area carrying the scripts in the briefcase. I must say that the briefcase felt rather light. I saw that Neil managed to gather most of the CC cast. It's funny to see all those anime characters when they're not acting. I wouldn't call it weird, but it was just plain unusual to see them wearing casual clothes from the 90's. I also didn't anticipate seeing Susanna with both legs (she must have roped up her leg behind her back during the filming)... but boy, I gotta admit that she doesn't look bad at all .
(snapping out) "Neil!"
"Nakamura-kun. It's been a long time!"
"How are you?"
"Doin' well, thanks... gosh you people haven't aged at all!"
"The advantage about being an anime character is that we don't age. At least, most of us."
"I hope that Neil already told you about the new project of mine."
"Yeah. We're somewhat excited to see what you've come up with now. I mean, after that cheasy fanfic, nobody would expect you to come up with something better---"
"Okay. I just had to tell him this."
"Anyway, Nakamura-kun, we all hope that you won't put us through such hardships again. After your fanfiction came along, I got a reputation as a total twit who was unable to come up with one coherent sentence, let alone a good decision ."
" Alright... I brought you a new script. Please read it and tell me what you think."
**30 minutes later**
"IT'S ABSOLUTELY OUTRAGEOUS!!! I'LL NEVER PLAY THIS ROLE!! There's still some pride left in me!!!"
"You perverted bastard!!! *bleephole*!!"
"Are you insane?? I'll NEVER do it! Drop dead!!"
Terry was rolling all over the floor from laughter . He didn't say much.
"YOU!!! Why do I only have a cameo role? The show is named after me, so I'm supposed to be the protagonist! *BLEEP* YOU! And HE (points at Neal, who was quiet) is supposed to be the main character?? Don't make me laugh!!!"
" Shut the *bleep* up!"
(Turns towards the author) "You chose HIM? Have you lost your mind? I mean, just look at him! He's so pathetic!"
"Candy, just shut up.... and… grow some breasts! Or get some inflatable ones!"
" Umm… well… "
"And you grow a *bleep* first! Pity that your *bleep* isn't inflatable, unlike that doll you've been using lately---"
Everyone: "MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH... !!!"
"You told him right, Candy !"
Surprisingly enough, Neil just blushed and kept his mouth shut. Well I guess he's totally different from the character he plays in the anime. These people just keep surprising me.
" Umm, I was just wondering, are you people going to accept the roles or…"
"Absolutely not! You already made fools of us once, we really don't need it done again."
"Then I guess this is where it ends…"
"Albert, wait a second. You're a professional actor, right? And all of us have been loitering here for the past few years doing one big nothing."
"That's true, but this idiot---"
"I read the script, and I don't like it either. But this could be our last chance to get heard of before we sink into the obscurity of the past. Nobody watches 70's anime anymore… and this is possibly our last chance to escape this fate."
"Big words from a little guy."
"Albert, don't pull it again."
"Terry, what do you think about this?"
" It's okay with me."
"No way? Are you people really going to do it?"
Everyone gave a reluctant, yet confirmative response. Albert didn't seem pleased.
"I can't believe what am I hearing... but I guess it can't be helped. Count me in, but I expect you to make some necessarry alterations to the script."
"Then, when do we start?"
"Next week. I still have to make some preparations and gather the rest of CC crew. Has anyone seen Sister Pony?"
"Last thing I heard about her was that she was taking part in a hentai anime."
"Gosh… and somebody actually paid her to do that? Speaking of which… somebody would actually pay to WATCH her?? "
"Well, perhaps you didn't know that she's a nymphomaniac. She goes insane if she doesn't get raped by a monster with tentacles at least twice a day."
Actually, she came to her own accord and did the job while the cameras were off… so don't be afraid of seeing her in the anime... yeuh.
"Hmmh... that's a side of her I never knew."
"Just because you've seen us in the anime doesn't mean that you know our real selves. As you've just seen, you still have lots to learn about us."
"I guess that's right... well, see you in a week!"
"I'll kill you if anything goes wrong this time. Understood ?"
" Right.So Long!"
I quickly left the place… AND I STILL haven't figured out why they were calling me "Nakamura"! I'll need lotsa luck to get out of this one.... so stay tuned. Otherwise, I'll send Albert over to your place to do some very nasty things to you .
End of part One