The Return of Candy
by Tuba (aka Mrscage)
The night of the
party at the Pony Home (right after the last episode of the anime).
Candy wakes up in the middle of the night not remembering her dream, she feels only her cheeks wet from tears, she canít remember immediately where she is, having spent her whole life from a house, a city and a family to another. It takes her a few minutes before she realizes that she is at Pony Home. Itís not the first time it happens, since she left Terry in New York. She often woke up during the night in a sweat and not knowing where she was.
She recalls the day that she passed surrounded by her friends, around the table, talking and laughing. Even if it was hours ago she feels like it has been years; she doesnít feel the same. Suddenly she feels like climbing a tree and throws herself outside, barefoot and in her nightgown.
The fresh air makes her feel good. She runs to the hill and climbs the tree in the darkness of the night. She sits on a branch and stares at the emptiness.
"Here I am on this tree just like in my childhood, did I make some steps in the way of my life since the first day when I climbed on this tree? Did I succeed to become the person whom I dreamed to become one day? Or am I always at the starting point, despite everything that Iíve been through? It feels like yesterday my first meeting with Eliza and Neil, I was only a little girl who was dreaming to finally have a family, this is what Iíve been looking desperately for all my life, a family, and what did life gave me instead? I was abandoned in the snow in front of the door of an orphanage, I could have died from the cold but what did I do? I fought against destiny and cried of with my strengths to make myself hear. And since that day, I never had the right to be happy without fighting; I always knew that my smiles were going to be followed by tears... a first love who died a family who never considered me like one of theirs and Terry... I loved him so much; I loved him as if he was my saviour, my family, my heart, and everything that Iíve dreamed of day and night. And what did he do??? NOTHING... He did nothing to find me..... A BIG FAT NOTHING!! "
She begins to cry as if she was decided to dry her eyes not to cry all her life anymore. Between the tears she makes a decision:
"Iím... going to leave..."
Yes sheís going to leave, since life made fun of her, sheís going to make fun of life.
"But how I can I leave everybody? Annie... my sister, Patty... my friend, the Ponyí home... my home, Albert... my prince of the hill, Archibald... my cousin, how can I leave them behind me and what will they do without me? Which is stupid question, I going to leave them just like Anthony, Alistair and Terry left me, just like my mother who left me, theyíll handle it just the way I did. After all no one really cares about how I feel, and then I canít take it any more, for once in my life I will be selfish and Iím going to think only about myself. If I stay with them, I will end up losing my head by hiding my feelings and taking care of their problems, moreover I will have to see Aunt Elroy, Eliza and also Neil... My decision is madeĒ
She comes down as quickly as possible from the tree where she had practically spent the night crying and thinking. Just before the sun rises she runs to the Pony Home, gets dress in less than a minute and even without writing a letter for her friends who had also spent the night over there, she leaves without even looking back.
Itís been already an hour since she left, she walks without knowing where sheís going. With every step she asks herself where to go and even is she canít find the answer, she feels better without stopping, at least she can be herself, without trying to hide her feelings. The only place where she could feel good itís in Terryís arms but she canít see him any more, she doesnít have the right to do it....
In New YorkÖ
Itís three oíclock in the morning and as usual Terry is upright thinking about his life and about the one who was itís light a few times ago.
"When will this bloody sun rise? Iíve had enough of the sleepless nights, what if I drink something? A little glass just to make me sleep. NO. I promised her and I keep my promise, here I am with a woman I donít loved and I never will, just to keep my promise. Iím acting like a perfect gentleman. However I know that what Susannah feels for me is only obsession and it doesnít have anything to do with the love. Nobody really loved me, neither my parents, nor my friends, nobody except her... In college they were thinking of me as a rebel without any feelings, no one wanted to see what was in my heart under the crude appearance. No one... except for herÖ Itís useless to think about her, Iím going to lose my head completely. I canít go look for her, sheís never going to forgive me if I donít keep my promise and Susanna will never let to me go. Except if.... If I die... yes well, why not? I have never been as courageous as Candy and she has move on with her life but what am I going to become? I canít live with Susanna and I canít leave her, she might kill herself, I couldnít live with her death itís going to be like burden on my back... Itís clear, there is only one solution here, I must get out of everyoneís life and choose death, and perhaps finally I will find some peace. Why to die? Why not thinking only of me and my happiness, why care about other people? Iím not Candy; I canít let other peopleís happiness pass before mine anymore. Iíve had enough... And I donít care what you think Candy, I will find you and do everything I can to get you back, to find the happiness that we lost... and if you donít want me... weíll see thenÖ "
With the decision he just made, Terry finally sleeps well that night. In the morning he wakes up singing, he immediately takes his harmonica and begins to play merry songs. He feels so good that he even goes to say ďgood morningĒ to Susanna and leaves very early to achieve his plan.
Once outside he canít walk calmly as he is impatient to find Candy, starts to run, and doesnít care about the people looking at him. He goes to the train station and leaves for Chicago, without informing neither the theatre nor Susanna, since he wonít be coming back, he doesnít worry about his work or of his duty towards the girl who had only brought misfortune in his life, any more. And she could die if she wants to so much; itís not Terryís business anymore.