train was moving slowly. The clinkety-clack was making him sleepy and
relaxing him. This was the last tour of the season. At last he was
returning home. He really needed the rest and he couldn’t wait to get
back. From all transportations, the train was the slowest but the
safest at that time. The whole theatrical troupe was on the train and
quite often somebody would knock on his door to ask him something
irrelevant. After all those years of success he was entitled of his on
personal private compartment and he decided to lie down and hang the
“Don’t disturb” sign outside his door. This way he would avoid the
annoyances and he would try to rest his aching body for a while.
had been already half a year since he had turned twenty-seven and still
living alone, without needing anybody. He still used to visit his
mother and his favourite director, Robert Hathaway, from time to time
but he didn’t have any friends and he didn’t want to make any. The
movements of the train rocked him to sleep and he found himself in the
arms of Morpheus one more time. Only in his dreams could he find the
peace and happiness that his soul craved. He was dreaming of her,
teenager, still a child, with side ponytails smiling in the sun,
jumping off a tree, sticking her tongue out at him, mockingly. He was
unwillingly smiling in his sleep and he would wake up light,
revitalised. After a while he would curse himself a thousand times. It
was his fault he had lost her and he would never forgive himself.
the passengers’ movements outside his sleeping car he realised they
were reaching New York and he started to get ready. Somebody knocked on
his door to let him know they would be at the station in less than ten
minutes. He washed his face with cold water and looked at his
reflection in the mirror. He still couldn’t understand how this
expressionless face could transform so easily on stage. He put on a
clean shirt, took his suitcase and went out to meet with his
colleagues. He heard the whistle of the train and his heart sunk. He
could never be at ease in a train station. The last time he met her
here he committed the biggest mistake of his entire life.
train was sliding slowly on the tracks until it stopped gently by the
platform. He jumped out first and started walking in a fast pace to get
out of there as soon as possible. And suddenly he caught laughter in
the air, a familiar giggling. He turned his head to all directions. He
stood in the middle of the moving crowd searching with his eyes to find
the source of the laughter. He saw with the corner of his eye a blond
curly mane turning towards the exit holding a child by the hand.
Without second thought he ran after her. When he got close enough so as
to be heard, he called her behind her back.
- Candy… and he waited like a small child holding his suitcase to see the face of the blond woman.
child who was holding her hand turned first. A thin, pale little girl
with big green eyes like hers and long black straight hair. She was
looking at him in wonder. The woman seemed to be frozen at her place.
She wouldn’t turn, she wouldn’t move. He got closer this time and
whispered behind her back.
- Candy… laying his hand shyly on her shoulder.
woman turned her body towards the melodic voice and suddenly her face
was a few inches from his. He saw to green moist lagoons and small
freckles around her nose and cheeks. He held his urge to kiss her and
wiped away her tears with his thumb.
- Terry… she said in a low voice, breathless, and she held her head high so that no more tears would run down.
hearts were beating like crazy; there were no words for that unexpected
moment. Both silent were staring endlessly at each others eyes and the
whole world around them had vanished away. How many things can a look
reveal, how many emotions can it hide? Pain, lust, love, understanding,
melancholy, forgiveness and irresistible attraction.
extended her hand to him. He took it softly and laid a wet kiss on it
without taking his eyes off her face. Her cheeks took a warm red colour
like her coat and she didn’t stop looking at him either. She was lost
in his blue greenish eyes and felt her body burning slowly. A slight
jog on her hand took her out of the transition and she landed abruptly
back in reality.
- What are you doing here? She asked him in a low voice and lowered her head to hide her flushed face.
I just got back from this year’s tour, he answered feeling dizzy as he
was smelling the intoxicating perfume of her hair, wild roses and
chamomile. What about you? He managed to utter at the end.
- I brought Paullina for some medical examinations to the Metropolitan Hospital of New York.
looked down and stared at the child. A wave of jealousy washed all over
him. He tried to hide his flush and stopped staring with burning eyes
the pale little girl, who got scared by his gaze and hid behind Candy.
- Would you like to go for a coffee or tea or whatever? He asked and held his breath until she responded.
Gladly, but not right now, she answered and looked him in the eyes. We
have an appointment with the doctor in half an hour and as you can see
the child’s health is above all. She was ready to fall on the floor.
She couldn’t stand his gaze any longer.
- I will escort you then, said Terry firmly and grabbed her arm.
But… you don’t … need to… before she could say anything else she felt
him pulling her arm and tried to walk as fast as him, pulling or rather
dragging Paullina behind her. Terry slow down… the girl can’t… she
managed to yell.
- I’m very sorry, he grumbled and gave the
girl, who was ready to cry, a murderous look. It’s very crowded and we
must hurry to get a taxi, he continued.
Even though she
couldn’t understand his sudden change of mood she continued walking
fast next to him, relieved he was holding her or else she was sure she
would have fainted. Of all days, of all stations he had to be there
today, on her path? She had forbidden everybody for the last decade to
bring her news of him. She didn’t want to know anything about him. She
still couldn’t forget the morning she read on the paper about his
upcoming wedding. It took her a week to overcome the fever and the
hallucinations. Miss Pony and Sister Maria were so scared with her
condition that they agreed to her demand, so did her friends. She was
wondering why he insisted on escorting her to the hospital and suddenly
the last time he wanted to escort her to the station rushed through her
memory and her heart froze. She tried to free her hand from his grip
and she turned to him with anger in her eyes.
- Stop hauling me, please. I can perfectly walk on my own, her rage was getting stronger by the second.
- Don’t make a scene now, we’re almost there, he said firmly and squeezed her hand harder.
they got there he helped her settle in the taxi and sat beside her
without speaking. He gave directions to the driver and closed his eyes
for a few seconds. When he opened his eyes again he had the peaceful,
loving look he always had when he was near her. Candy looked at him in
wonder and realised she couldn’t be mad at those wonderful sapphire
eyes of his, who looked at her with love and warmth. In the taxi they
didn’t talk at all. They had no words to exchange, their eyes were
speaking. Little Paullina didn’t know what was going on. The fatigue in
Terry’s eyes was obvious but he was determined not to let her out of
his sight until they were alone and able to talk as they should. He had
known her by now. He knew that the minute he would let her go, she
would disappear on him, running away with her child. Whose was that
child? Was she married? To whom? A woman like Candy could never go
unnoticed. Surely many men had desired her but who was the lucky guy
who had her in his arms and in his bed every night? That thought gave
him a headache. He tried to push it away but the sight of the girl
alone sitting next to her, made him mad with jealousy.
they got to the hospital, Terry accompanied her to the doctor’s office
and waited patiently outside in the hallway. He noticed the stares of
the nurses and realised they had recognised him. He slipped deeper in
his chair and lifted the collars of his jacket. He was in no mood for
fans right now. All he could think about was her. A few minutes
afterwards the little girl came out alone and sat next to him as
probably Candy had told her. He turned his eyes on the little girl and
tried to hide his anger. Besides, the sick little child had done
nothing wrong. It was his fault she wasn’t his. He tried to be polite.
- Did your mommy tell you to wait outside with me? He asked softly.
- Yes, answered the scared little girl and lowered her head and looked at her shoes. She looked really exhausted.
- Very well, we’ll wait for your mommy together until she’s done, he said again but the girl didn’t seem eager to reply.
thought that he had scared her a lot earlier and tried once more to
make conversation. He could learn something about Candy from the child.
Where is your daddy? Isn’t he with you? He asked with his seductive
voice, the one he used to seduce, the one that nobody could deny him
- I don’t have a daddy, said the little girl and turned her head elsewhere.
of clearing things up they got more complicated. Was she a widow? Was
she never married and had a child out of wedlock? He thought that was
impossible. Candy was too prude to have a child out of wedlock unless…
the girl confused him more. He opened his mouth to speak again when at
the same time Candy opened the door and got out of the doctor’s office.
She was almost crying. She hid her eyes from the child and looked at
Terry who couldn’t leave her from his sight. He understood. The girl
had something serious. Impulsively, he took the little girls hand and
walked with Candy towards the exit of the hospital. As they were
walking he understood that the girl’s powers were failing her and with
a tender gesture he lifted her in his arms. The girl tied her hands
around his neck and fell asleep instantly.
- Which one is your hotel? He asked in a low voice not to wake up the girl.
- We didn’t book a hotel, she answered him, and we’re leaving on the night train.
turned and looked at her in wonder. What was she talking about? The
child was obviously not well and she had to leave…already? “Impossible,
he thought, you’re not going anywhere until you explain everything to
They took a taxi and Terry gave directions to his house. He
thought that besides the way things were between them the girl needed a
warm bed to rest and not his arms outside in the cold. Candy didn’t
speak. She followed him hypnotised. There was silence in the taxi once
more. Terry sitting with the girl in his arms and Candy with his
suitcase next to her. She was thinking about the doctor’s words and her
heart was getting darker. So young, so fragile, little Paullina had few
hopes of surviving. She had lost many people she loved before but
Paullina was so young. She looked at Terry with sad eyes and he gave
her back a smiling look.
When they got at his house, Terry
took the girl up the stairs in the guest room and asked from his
housekeeper to take care of her. He hurried down the stairs and found
her waiting in his big hall. His house didn’t remind her anything from
the tiny apartment he had when she last visited him. Everything in this
house was big and modern and expensive. The hall was furnished with the
finest, most comfortable, most expensive furniture.
- Do you like it? He said behind her back.
- Very much, she replied without turning to se him.
Thank you, was the only thing he managed to say. It was just the two of
them now, alone at last and his urge to hold her in his arms was
growing more painful by the second.
She walked around the hall
and finally sat on a crimson red comfortable armchair. She didn’t dare
to sit on the sofa. The thought that he might sit next to her was
making her dizzy. He followed her and sat across her. The housekeeper
came in holding a tray with hot tea and some cookies. She left it on
the table and got out discreetly.
- Would you like me to serve you some tea? He asked politely.
- Yes, please. Thank you, she answered. With a lot of sugar please, she added.
- Just like I imagined it. With a lot of sugar, sweet like you. The game was on and he made the first move.
- I beg your pardon? She said blushing. She realised things wouldn’t be civilised for long.
- What’s wrong with the child? He asked ignoring her last remark.
- She’s dying, she answered in anger.
bit his lips and regretted his impertinence. Sometimes he couldn’t
believe himself. His mother always told him to think before he speak.
- I’m very sorry, he grumbled.
- Anything else? Candy continued in the same aggravated tone really upset with his behaviour.
- Where is the child’s father? He asked with audacity.
There is no father, she replied ready to explode. What was with the
third degree questioning, and who gave him the right to ask all those
questions… and where the hell was his wife to end the farce?
- What do you mean there is no father? He asked and blood rushed to his head.
- Paullina is an orphan, she didn’t want any more questions. She wanted to run away from there.
- An orphan? So you’re a widow… he said out of breath.
What are you talking about? She asked staring at him. How did you come
up with something like that? She continued and burst out laughing.
froze. His head was spinning. He would never understand that girl. What
was she telling him? He couldn’t understand anything.
- Then, what? He asked and tried to restrain himself from grabbing her by the arms and making her stop laughing.
Paullina is an orphan of the Pony’s orphanage, Terry, she’s not mine. I
work at the orphanage all these years and the children see me as their
mother, she continued and the smile was erased off her face. Now she
realised why Terry was looking at the girl with hostile eyes. Her mood
changed abruptly. He had no right to be jealous. He had a lot of nerve
after all. Not only did he drag her to his house where she would
unavoidably meet with his wife, now he wanted details about her life.
- Oh, I see… he said and his face lit up.
heavy burden was lifted off his chest, but quickly he realised that
even if Paullina wasn’t her child, she might have a husband and
children of her own back in Chicago. He had to find out…
- So you’re not a widow, he started again.
- Nope, she replied. She understood where he was getting at but she wasn’t going to humour him.
- Your family is in Chicago now? He asked but realised that wasn’t a smart question.
- Yeap, she said and looked at him with mocking eyes.
- Right, he said and realised she was playing him.
- What about your family Terry? Where is it? She asked ironically.
- My family? What do you mean? That was a surprise, what was she asking him?
- Your wife and your children? Where are they? She asked again. She had him cornered.
woman was surely going to drive him crazy. There was no way she didn’t
know about him. His personal life was all over the papers and magazines
of the country. There was a big fuss about his divorce and his
ex-wife’s statements. His marriage had lasted three months but the
impact of the divorced gave the tabloids nourishment for a whole year.
- What are you talking about? He asked with wonder drawn in his eyes. Are you pulling my leg? He started to get mad.
Of course not, why would I do that? “Why doesn’t he answer me to put me
out of my misery,” she thought. Didn’t you get married?
- And got divorced… he said naturally. “is it possible she doesn’t know?” he thought.
- YOU GOT DIVORCED? She stared and nearly choke.
- It’s been ages Candy; I thought you knew. It was all over the papers. My marriage lasted only three months.
Three months… she was getting dizzy, the room was spinning. There must
be a mistake. She tried to get up and before she knew it she passed out
on the floor.
Terry jumped of his seat terrified and lifted her
up. “This woman will be the death of me” he thought as he was laying
her on the sofa. He wet his fingers and sprinkled some water on her
forehead. With light slaps he tried to make her come around. She opened
her eyes slowly and looked at him lost. A wave of rage hit her and
indignation woke up inside her. “Three months, three months…” was all
she could hear again and again. With every power she had left in her,
her hand slipped in to a noisy slap on his cheek. The rage was getting
stronger by the second. She had no words to explain her anger, hot
tears where coming down her eyes. Her breath was short. Her head was
spinning like crazy. He looked at her deep in the eyes, without being
able to understand what was the slap for. He leaned over her and
grabbed her by the shoulders. Her teary eyes were enchanting him, he
couldn’t resist any more. In the beginning slowly and then deeper. He
stuck his tongue with lust in her mouth and drunk her breath. He
couldn’t stop, her taste was irresistible, her mouth was so sweet and
fresh just like her. He placed his hands behind her back and held her
tight without stopping kissing her. Their tongues were one dancing a
wet dance. Her response drove him mad. When he felt her hands on his
neck he thought that was the end of him. There was no way to separate
their mouths. There was no way to separate their bodies. He lifted her
and got out of the hall. He hurried up the stairs towards his bedroom.
Her silent tears were arousing him more. “It’s now or never” he thought
and kicked the bedroom door. She had perched in his neck like a
frighten bird finally finding its nest.
He laid her on the bed
and stared at her gorgeous body. She hadn’t changed one bit. The young
freshness of her body made his heart beat faster. He loosened some
buttons of his shirt and leaned over her to a new endless kiss. She
lifted her hands shyly and touched his neck, she caressed his hair and
lowered her trembling fingers down his back. He shivered. This kiss,
this moment she thought she would never live it. She had convinced
herself she would never be his. She would never have the pleasure of
tasting his kiss and feeling his caress ever. She had lost him all
those years. She couldn’t resist now. Her mind and body didn’t obey
her. She wanted him as much as he wanted her and she wasn’t ashamed of
it. She wanted him and only him all those years. His hot kiss, his warm
body made her tremble in his arms. Her shivering was provoking him for
more. He couldn’t stop. Her soft skin was waking a thousand hidden
feelings in him. He had unbuttoned her shirt slightly and he was lost
in the sight of her breast. It was rosy, tight and playful. He led his
trembling hand on it and cupped it. A moan left her lips. He turned his
eyes and looked at her. He kissed her wet cheeks and whispered softly
in her ear “don’t cry my love…my love…my life”. She wrapped herself
around him even harder and whispered “I love you”. He kissed her with
more urge and passion and took her shirt off. He bent slowly,
depositing excruciating kisses on her neck, moving down her breastbone
and pulled down her bra. He licked her nipple and sucked it gently. New
moans came from her and her body was shaking.
- Terry, she whispered, this is my first time.
ears were deluding him. It couldn’t be this woman was completely his
since forever. He felt that life was smiling at him again. He sat up
slightly and looked at her lovingly. He took her head in his two hands
and whispered in her ear.
- For me too my love… I’ve been waiting for you all my life. I love you.
knew this wasn’t his first time but she understood the meaning of his
words. This was the first time he loved, the first time he was making
love, the first time he felt and desired. She let herself in his touch
and closed her eyes. Every touch, every kiss was making her body shiver
again and again. He unbuttoned her skirt and she undid the rest of his
shirt with trembling fingers. Her participation was driving him to
insanity. His passion was unstoppable. He worshiped the white skin on
her belly and laid wet kisses around her bellybutton while he was
pulling down her skirt and underskirt. Her naked body was making him
dizzy. He couldn’t have enough of her. Her smell was intoxicating him.
dark room was filled with moans and sighs. He freed himself from his
shirt and trousers hastily and took her in his arms tighter. He would
never let her out of his embrace. Never. He threw her bra away and she
got shy all of a sudden. She put her hands on her breast to hide her
nudity. He took her hands and kissed them.
- You have nothing to be ashamed of with me. Ever. You are more beautiful than the angels. And you’re mine.
kissed her again passionately and she grabbed on him. She caressed his
hair, his back, his chest. He let herself go and bit his lip softly.
That was enough to arouse him even more. He fully undressed her and
went down her belly, leaving kisses and small bites. Her body was
shaking. It was on fire. He spread her legs open and looked at her eyes.
- Now… they said like one.
entered her slowly, softly, gently. He was looking in her eyes
reassuringly, lovingly. He felt her hands clutching his and her whole
body burning under his. She had her eyes closed and her face looked
sensual. He moved slowly inside of her and he felt her hips moving
along. His surprise was intense. Her body was made to be with his. His
body would never be with any other body ever, she was the one for him.
They were in the same rhythm moving like crazy. There was no world
outside that room; they were alone in a parallel universe, just the two
of them, happy. Their eyes pinned on each other, their hearts beating
fast, their breaths short, their bodies sweaty, their kisses
passionate, the words had no place. The moment of the explosion was
near, waves of passion overwhelming them. A deep moan came from her
lips and a cry of relief and happiness from his. He fell on her without
a breath listening to her heart beating like crazy. He slid to her side
and took her in his arms. Her breath was quick, short like his. He
kissed her softly and held her as hard as he could in his arms.
was wondering how could he be living all those years away from her. How
was he living without her in his arms every night, how life had let
them apart so many years. New tears filled her eyes.
- My life… why are you crying? Why, my love, he said softly and turned her head towards him.
Terry… please, tell me this is not a dream. Promise me I won’t loose
you again, he said and wrapped herself around him like a small child.
It’s not a dream my life, I will never let you go away from me ever
again. Don’t ever leave me, my life, or I’ll die, he said and a tear
rolling down his cheek wiped out his voice.
They stayed like
that hugging each other for a long time. Nobody would come out of that
room until they had enough of each other. The whole morning passed and
then the afternoon, the evening, then night came and they both tasted
happiness making love over and over again like there were no tomorrow.
Very late at night they fell asleep softly, like they were sleeping for
the first time after a long time. Her body fitted like a glove to his
and he thought he could wear it forever, until his dying day.
next morning found them together in each others arms, making sweet
talks, drowning happy laughers under the sheets. They were making plans
about their lives after a long time. They would be never parted again.
Small and big secrets were whispered with their eyes, vows of love and
kisses were sealing their happiness.
They got out of bed because Candy’s stomach had a voice of its own. Terry burst out laughing and lifted her in his arms.
- Lets hurry down the kitchen and feed you, I don’t want anything to happen to you now that I found you again.
- Terry… don’t..she said playfully and laughed.
I’ll give you a robe, and we’ll go downstairs to have breakfast, he
said and stood in front of his closet to find something that would fit
- A robe? Have you gone mad? Paullina is here too, she reminded him.
- You’re right. We have to get dressed… I don’t mind, I’ll undress you again later, he said and winked at her meaningfully.
- Terry… she said prudently and hid her face under the sheets.
with her would be just like living in a dream” he thought and got close
to his bed. You’ll never leave my side, ever again… my life…” he
thought and closed her mouth with a passionate kiss. As long as you are
by my side will find the solution for everything. Even for Paullina.