Before We Say Goodbye

by  Ivonne Rivera

What terrible pain I am feeling right now. He holds me now, as if to never let me go. He holds me like Calypso did when she held Odysseus for the last time, knowing she must let him go. He cries to me like Odysseus did when he was captured by Calypso. He cried, wishing to go home. I feel like a flower that use to bloom in spring time, but nowÖ Iím a flower who is losing her petals, minute after minute. I love him more than life itself, but I know I must give up on him. He belongs with her now, with Susannah. I belong to a place where I can forget all about this agony.

"Candy, pleaseÖlet me hold you for the last time," Terry whispered in my ear, making me shudder.

My tears run down like waterfalls, and my heart hurts with horrible pain. I canít hold it any longer. I need himÖI want him! At least, for the first and last time. No, I must not. He belongs to another, and itís not right. But my body yearns for him. I need to feel his touch on my trembling skin. I turn to him, and stare into his beautiful eyes. "Oh TerryÖ" I could not say anything else, my lips were covered by his. His kiss, our second kiss. Is this how Juliet felt when Romeo kissed her? This is a kiss that we must pay. If we get caught, we are in so much trouble. Who cares now? This is the last time Iím going to be with Terry. We are both dying for our love, just like Romeo and Juliet. He kisses me now, more intensely. He brings me down; making me lay on top of the stairs. His hands run around my body, but pulling me closer to him all the time. He begins to kiss my neck, very slowly. My heart jumps every now and then. I run my hand through his long brown hair. I feel his hand going up my leg; a moan escapes my lips. I could feel him trying to pull my trousers down, but canít. I jump when I feel him getting close to my womanhood.

"Terry please!" I move away from him, fixing my dress. He stares at me with hurtful eyes. I begin to cry.

"Why Candy? Donít you want me? Donít you love me? Why must you part from me like that?" Terry cried out.

"Yes, I do want you. You donít know how much I really want you. I love you, but you belong to her," I said.

"Who cares about HER!"

"Terry! Donít be like that. She loves you too. Besides, if I didnít stop usÖwe could have gotten to the next level. A level where only married people do. I need to control myself, even if my body calls out to you," I said.

"Candy," he comes towards me and grabs my arms. "Candy, my body needs you. I must have you before we say goodbye."

"No," I cried out. I pulled away from his grasp and began to run down the stairs. I could hear him running after me, calling out my name. This is how Cinderella must have felt when she ran away from her prince, and lost her glass slipper. Who am I kidding? I am running away from the man I love. I run outside and run to the cityís park. He is still behind me, getting closer to me. I could hear his hard breathing, and I could hear my heart thumping. Iím running towards all the trees. There is a forest right behind the park. Perhaps I can lose Terry over there. Yes, Iím in the forest now. It is very dark but I keep running. Oh no, Iím slowing down.

"Candy!" He has caught me. He wraps his arms around my waist, and begins to kiss my neck. I give in. My hand reaches out to his face, and twist my neck so I could kiss him. I feel him lifting my skirts up, trying to touch every part of me. I turn towards him and try to unbutton his shirt. He has gotten my gown off, so I stand in front of him in my undergarments. He stands in front of me with only trousers on. "I have waited for this moment for a long time," Terry whispered in my ear. His hands go behind my back, trying to untie my corset. I leaned my head back while he kisses my chest. Finally, he has gotten the corset off of me. He stares at me, up and down. "You are beautiful."

I pull him down with me to the ground. We kiss with so much passion that it is hard to breathe. He parts my legs and settles in between them. I've noticed that he has taken his trousers off and so of mine. We are there naked like when we were born. "Forgive me if I hurt you," he whispered. I felt him go inside of me. Pain shot me like fire, and I cried out. Terry bent down to kiss my tears away. He begins to thrust slowly. I begin to moan while the pain slowly disappears. Right there is where Iíve become a woman. A woman loved by her lover. I feel like a dove flying through the clouds. I wish this moment could last forever. Bolts of electricity run through my body, as does his. I stare at him now like Selene did when she stared down on her sleeping Endymion. Will I see Terry again? No, I canít. Heíll be marrying Susannah. What happens if this night creates a child? I know I must tell him, but heíll leave Susannah alone. No, I know I could take care of our child by myself. I could get help from Albert or Patty. I get up and get dressed. I kiss Terry goodbye and walk away. I stop a short while to look back at the sleeping Terry.

"Goodbye my loveÖ" I walk away, never turning back again.


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© (2001) Ivonne Rivera