Dear God
by Tuba & Gentillefille
Part 1: In College
Dear God,
If I decided today to
write you today after buying this journal, it’s because I have no one to talk
to. I have no friends, no confidante. I feel so lost and so lonely. Today, I just
found out, how the woman I thought was my mother really felt about me. She hates
me with a passion. She resents my father for keeping me with him and marrying
her. She said I should’ve stayed with my tramp of a mother, the cheap little
actress… I was shocked to hear her talk like that. My father wasn’t defending
me… What did I do that was so wrong? I broke a window…only a window. Something
that could be replaced in no time. But coming from her mouth, the window sounded
more important than me her s…, her stepson. I also heard her say that tramp who
was really my mother was as she said a “cheap actress”... Eleonor Baker. That
was a shock… That was the shock of my life! I couldn’t believe what I was
hearing. Eleonor Baker was my real mother! I was happy, that this mean woman I
called “mother” didn’t share any blood with me. Eleonor Baker was one of
the most famous actress in America and she had taken London by storm too…I’ve
seen her in magazines, she was so beautiful. I even snuck out from boarding
school, to go see her on stage. She played “Nana” to the perfection. I
felt good seeing her, I felt like joining her on stage. I was drawn to her and
now I know why… She was my mother! My mother! That beautiful and talented
actress was my mother! I heard my father and my stepmonster arguing… It turns
out that my father was in love with my mother, she got pregnant but he couldn’t
marry her because of some stupid rules of society. Now I had a miserable
childhood, without the woman who gave birth to me, because my father couldn’t
keep his trousers on, then didn’t have the courage to defy the rules of society
and stay with the woman he loves. He married the toad and I got a stepmonster…I
understand now why my father put me in boarding school, it was because my
stepmonster can’t stand the sight of me. Every time I called her “mother” it
made her want to puke… Strangely enough hearing the truth from my stepmonster
about how she really felt, was a relief. Because I was always wondering why she
never, ever smiled at me. Only my father seemed encouraging sometimes. She never
showed any affection for me, never. I actually thought it was my fault. I also
heard them arguing about the duke’s title, which goes automatically to the elder
son, thus me. The bastard child, like she called me, or not, that title was
going to be mine… I don’t really care about it, but I might just claim it when
the time comes just to stick it to her. I went back to boarding school that
evening on cloud nine. Finally was beginning to feel like I belonged somewhere…
Why me, the son of the Duke of Grandchester, was dreaming of being on stage with
Eleonor Baker and act by her side. What I felt was more than a crush on my
favourite actress…it was the voice of blood, calling my name. My mother was
calling me…And I was going to respond. I was going to America to find the woman
who had given birth to me.