Note: Iím writing this in the first person, from CandyScullyís POV, because being a woman myself I find these things easier to describe from a feminine perspective. Also, Iím changing tack from the light comedy style weíve used for the rest of the CandyXFiles, not because I think that these things cannot be taken lightly Ė Woody Allen once said that sex was the funniest thing one could do without laughing Ė but because Iím not sure of how to do it! However, I hope that you like it.
Disclaimer: If you think I would make money on this, you have a very optimistic notion of both my literary talents and of the publishing world. The characters belong to the creators of both Candy Candy and the X Files; Iím just borrowing them for the sake of fun.
Here and Now
by Patty Archer
PONYíS HILL, MICHIGAN
[A few minutes after the kiss scene]
We were in our knees on the green grass at the top of the hill. The mist was being washed away by the early morning breeze, and the air felt fresh, new and clean. You were kissing me and I was wishing this perfect moment would never end, savouring your lips for the first time, trembling with excitement, but certain that this was the right thing to do.
Then we heard a bell ringing down in the valley; a church, or something similar, saluting the new day.
Slowly, we broke the kiss. You drew back a little, your eyes still closed, and sighed. I still held your face in my hands, and now I could see how pain, need and love were etched in your features, so handsome in the golden sunlight. You opened your eyes, almost green in this light, and I nearly choked, so much love flowed from them.
"CandyScully", you whispered, "I wanted this so much to happen, but this might not be the time or place..."
"It is the time, TerryMulder. Itís just not the place."
We both looked down the hill, at the place where the sound of bells came from. A small building could be seen among the shreds of fog, a little house with a sort of belltower in the middle. It looked like a convent or another kind of religious building. In the clear morning air, voices could be heard coming from it, even from the hill. Children laughing, speaking in high voices. The scene was strangely familiar, and yet I could not explain why. Maybe it was all part of the dreamlike state I was floating in in since I woke up in this strange place.
But it meant that we were not alone. I sighed too, and dropped my hands in my lap. My lips still burnt from your kiss, my pulse still raced, my head was still reeling from the shock of discovering not only how you felt about me; now I could not deny myself any longer how much I loved and desired you.
I lifted my gaze and confronted yours again. I knew my cheeks were still flushed, but now it didnít bother me that you could read my feelings in my face. How could I hide them? I love you, and you know it. I think you always knew it.
"TerryMulder, letís go somewhere else. Letís go home."
I think we were still under the influence of whatever strange forces had done to our minds, because my memory of the following hours is blurry. I canít remember how we descended the hill, or how we got to somewhere civilised where we could rent a car and drive home, or even take a flight. I canít remember the long journey, the arrival home. But I know we did it, because suddenly we were at your apartment, ramshackle as ever, but comfortingly familiar. Standing in your living room, I turned around to look at you. You were home, and yet you seemed more lost than ever. You looked at me, and in that look I could see uncertainties and fear, mingled with something else Ė love, or lust, or both. You just stood there staring at my face, saying nothing, looking for answers to questions you didnít even know how to formulate. I felt I had to break the spell.
"Iím going to refresh myself a bit, if you donít mind. Do you have a towel I can use, and an old t-shirt I could borrow?" I asked casually. You snapped out of it and, after raiding a closet, found the two required items. You handed them to me.
"Thereís some shower gel, but Iím afraid I have nothing more luxurious than that", you said almost apologetically while you opened the door to the bathroom.
"Thatís fine by me, TerryMulder. I wasnít expecting lavender-scented bath bubbles."
I avoided my reflection in the mirror while I undressed myself, leaving my clothes all heaped up in a little crumpled pile. This was so unlike me, I thought vaguely as I turned the shower on and stepped underneath the warm water jet. The old CandyScully would have folded everything neatly; and as I was lathering my tired limbs with supermarket-bought shower gel that smelled like you, sweet and familiar, I also thought that she would have locked the bathroom door, to ensure privacy and that the strict line between the professional and the personal was not crossed.
But I hadnít done that, and when I looked above my shoulder I saw you standing there, dressed in the pants and t-shirt you had been wearing under the layers of polar clothes, the t-shirt getting sprayed with the water that splashed from my back. You said nothing, but your eyes were eloquent. They didnít move an inch from mine, and then you grabbed my shoulders and neck and kissed me deeply, fiercely, as if the water might dissolve me and take me away from you.
I returned your kisses with the same urgency, my mouth hungry for yours. My skin, sleek with water and frothy soap, burned at the contact of your hands. I hastily removed the now soaked t-shirt, caressing your naked skin underneath, pulling you in with me. I trembled at the contact of the warm, smooth flesh on your stomach and back. My hands ran over your torso; yours were exploring my body, softly and steadily, running down my spine, along my sides, up to my neck.
Water run down our entwined bodies as we kissed and caressed each other, but we didnít care. I felt dizzy, and an overwhelming warmth flooded my whole body as your hands ran over every inch of my skin. I gasped when your hands cupped my breasts. You started kissing the side of my neck, nibbling my ears, and I felt as if my knees were melting. Then you grabbed the towel that was ready by the bath, tenderly wrapping me in it, and took me in your arms, your strong arms that I dreamed so many times would hold me like they were doing now. You lifted me and scooped me out of the shower. You took me to your bed, all the while kissing me, while my heart raced and my senses buzzed.
You dropped me softly on the mattress, and knelt by my side. I sat down, my feet still on the floor, where a little puddle was beginning to form from the water that trickled from our drenched bodies. I couldnít help smiling, despite myself. What a mess. You looked up at me, and the expression on your face nearly broke my heart.
"CandyScully", you said, your voice hoarse, "I ... I donít know how things will be tomorrow, and the days after, but weíre here and itís now, and God knows how much I have wanted and dreamed of this..."
"Shh. Itís okay, TerryMulder. I want this too", I said running my hand through your chestnut hair. You took that hand and kissed it on the palm. Then you got up and sat on the bed, behind me, and started caressing my bare shoulders. I closed my eyes, giving in to the sensation of your hands on my skin, still wet and pink from the shower. You started kissing my neck while your right arm grasped me by the waist, and effortlessly, softly, lifted me up and brought me against you, so close that I could feel the beating of your heart. TerryMulder, can you feel my heart too? We laid on our sides, you spooned over my frame, enveloping me, protecting me from the outside world, kissing, nuzzling, stroking my whole body. I was all yours. I have always been yours, TerryMulder, I thought, but now I am finally giving myself to you.
I turned to face you, and again I was overwhelmed by the look in your eyes. I took your face in my hands and kissed you once more, my lips against your soft lips, my tongue exploring your mouth. I could remain like this forever, lost in your embrace, tasting your sweet kisses; how many times I have dreamt of us like this? How many times I woke up realising it was all in my imagination? But here we were at last, and it felt perfect, so perfect...
My left hand traced the line of your jaw, your collarbone, and scuttled down your chest towards your stomach, stroking, teasing. You closed your eyes. I started unbuttoning your trousers; you moaned softly and pulled me closer, kissing me more deeply, and your hand scooted up my thigh. I breathed in sharply. I helped you out of your soaked trousers, and threw my towel on the floor. Your body was so warm against mine, and I wanted you so much... I ground my hips against yours, and you slid your hand between my thighs, caressing me, so tenderly and yet with such passion, I felt myself melt under your touch. I gasped. You moved your lips to my ear.
"CandyScully", you whispered, "say my name... tell me what you want..." Your hot breath in my ear made my spine tingle.
"TerryMulder", I breathed, "I need you", and it was true. "Oh, I need you so much..."
"Iím here, CandyScully. Iím here for you."
You placed yourself on top of me, and the weight of your body made me want you even more. I could feel how ready you were; I was so ready for you, my whole body moved along with yours in one rythm, and then I felt you inside me, and I cried inside in joy and pleasure. I wrapped my legs around your hips, and pushed hard against you, matching your every thrust, losing myself in a sea of sensations, letting myself go... Yet I craved for more.
My body was humming, my mind in a haze. There was just the two of us in the whole world. You moaned my name once more, and before I lost all control, I called out yours, and then it was all a blinding flash of light, and the heavens parted, and waves and waves of pleasure washed on me, making me cry, and laugh, and almost die...
My love, my life, my whole being. Itís yours. Here I am.
You kissed my closed eyes, tasting the salt in my tears. You filled my face with little kisses, until I burst out laughing. I love you, I said, and then you said, I love you, and it was true. I snuggled up close, feeling small and loved, and you put your arm around me, protectively. Iím yours. You know it.
Iím still here with you, and while I write this, sitting on your bed, you sleep and I watch you. You look so peaceful, so beautiful, I marvel at you. I brush a stray wisp of dark hair from your forehead. Before I drift off into a heavy sleep, I tell myself: This is where I want to be; this is what I need. Here. With you.
Special thanks to Alys, who showed me love scenes can be beautifully and engrossingly written, and who is my fanfiction tutor and confidante; to Nila, for creating the story and the characters (or rather, for genetically splicing together Mulder, Scully, Candy and Terry); to Lena, who wanted to see this scene written as much as I wanted to write it; to all Candyfans and all X Files Ďshippers; and to The Smiths and Kate Bush, for writing in two of their songs ("Stretch out and wait" and "Never be mine") words that I couldnít find in myself.
© 2000 Patty Archer